To: My Self Esteem

I love meeting new people through the blog and I’ve recently started following Stephanie’s blog. She has been doing a series of poems that she calls “to poetry” where you write the poem directly to the thing you want to deal with. I think this is a great idea and seems like it’ll be very cleansing! My biggest issue to confront right now? My self-esteem (well actually the lack of it) so here goes my first attempt at “to poetry” and thanks Stephanie for the inspiration!

To My Self Esteem

Where did you go?

My whole life you kept me strong

I never thought I was perfect 10 

But you helped me feel good enough to call myself a solid 7

You even made me feel beautiful at times

You allowed me to love having my picture taken

And to have a thousand “facebook profile pictures” to choose from

You gave me confidence in intimate settings making me feel sexy and desired

And made me feel like I looked my best when I was naked

When in public you brought a smile to my face when people would look at me

You made me think whistling construction workers were complimenting me

You allowed me to wear a bikini even when I was never a size 0

And unashamed of my “average” size chest

You even proud of my body: my thick thighs, barely there butt, and thick tummy

What happened?

Now you are gone

Now I am thankful for a stupid “facebook celebrity look alike week” 

So I don’t have to see myself on my profile

Now I don’t smile when I look in the mirror

Now I don’t feel sexy when intimate with my husband

Now I look down at my chest and feel embarrassed

Any sexiness I felt is gone

And I find it difficult to believe I ever possessed it

Now I am unsatisfied with every picture I see of myself

I pick out my faults instead of my assests

I look at photos of me as a mom in a bikini and feel embarrassed

What was I thinking?

How do I get you back?

I miss you so dearly and I want to be happy with who I am again

I want to feel pretty

Sexy

Desired

Even just average would do

Will this just go away?

Someday will I wake up and have you back?

Until then I will keep trying

Keep fixing my hair

Plucking my eyebrows

Getting dressed in cute outfits

And smiling in pictures

I will not shy away from the camera or from others

I will keep on pretending that everything is fine

And that you are still with me

And hopefully someday you will be

• Author
• Recent Posts

Emily Parker

Hey Y'all, I'm Emily! I'm a stay at home mom and consider parenting to be my passion. Disney is my happiest place and I love making memories as a family together. I'm a big believer in transparency and share all of my real-life moments as a mother of four.

My work has been featured on Love What Matters, Today Parenting and Babywise.Life. I'm also honored to be a member of the Babywise Friendly Blog Network.

You can read more about our family on my About Me page. Also be sure to follow along with me on Instagram, Facebook and Pinterest!

Latest posts by Emily Parker (see all)

• What I’m Gifting My Family: 2024 - November 21, 2024
• Effective Parenting Tips to Discipline a 5 Year Old Child - September 24, 2024
• Happy 9th Birthday to My Daughter – Letter to Tess from Mom - August 26, 2024